Domestic Chaos - Latest Comments

Re: On Missing My Son When He’s Away

Ashes — Mon, 29 Jul 2013 15:53:39 -0000

Thank you. <3

I didn't realized your parents were split up. And I think in terms of age, Miles is probably the best possible age for us to split up. He's actually adjusting really well to having two homes, and I suspect that seeing us both each day has really smoothed that over. It's mostly just not what I expected.

Re: On Missing My Son When He’s Away

Whitney — Thu, 25 Jul 2013 19:04:42 -0000

I'm not sure if this will help or not, but my parents divorced when I was three. As far back as I can remember they were always apart, I don't recall the years prior to their divorce. I grew up with it being normal. The only thing that made me sad from time to time was that I lived so far from my dad and never saw him. I think that Miles can grow up with a healthy loving family and be happy no matter your relationship with his dad. As long as you're both a part of his life and support him, which you both obviously do, I think things will work out fine. I don't wanna give unwanted advice or feedback, but I don't think you two should be hard on yourselves or feel guilty about your choice to split up. I think it'll be okay. :)

Re: Don’t Use Shame to Promote Breastfeeding

Ashes — Tue, 02 Jul 2013 17:37:31 -0000

We can share an awesome feeding brofist.

Thanks! :D

Re: Don’t Use Shame to Promote Breastfeeding

fearlessformulafeeder — Tue, 02 Jul 2013 17:29:33 -0000

The love is mutual, Ashley. :) And I love your take on this- brilliant, as usual.

Re: Cook a Whole Chicken

Ashes — Sat, 15 Jun 2013 14:45:08 -0000

Thanks! :D

Re: Cook a Whole Chicken

jahuston — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 08:57:27 -0000

Passing on the chicken love:

http://juliejewels1.blogspo...

Re: FuzziBunz Cloth Pads & Instead Softcups

JJ — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 08:03:33 -0000

Have you tired the diva cup? I did a very intense study on 20 different brands of cups.. they sent me cups for myself to try & other cups for friends & family. I would be more than happy to send you a new free cup to try... if you've already gotten your diva but invested in trying a different brand..i most liked have it..email me :-) kick_rockx@yahoo.com

I really like your blog!

Re: When Together Doesn’t Work

Lir — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 13:16:56 -0000

I think it's okay to cry in front of your kids, at least sometimes...my clearest memories of my mother in the years when I was struggling to deal with the fact that my parents had issues (even though they ended up staying together, which I think was detrimental to the whole family as well as themselves - they still haven't worked things out, 20 years later, and they are both miserable.) But it was times when I inadvertantly reacted to her in the same ways my dad did, dismissing her or yelling at her and she went to find a place to cry for a bit, and I found her and realised it was my fault; I remember feeling so stricken and realising that my mother wasn't just this invulnerable force she seemed to me as a child, but an actual person, with feelings that I could hurt just like mine were. It was when I started realising that Daddy and Mommy weren't always right, and there were hard choices to make for myself that I had to learn. Miles is probably too young for that yet, and there's definitely no easy answers, but I don't think that letting him see your tears sometimes (not all the time, maybe, I know it's a lot to deal with) and that you, too, are sad about not being 'together' anymore is necessarily a bad thing.

Re: “Mommy, I worked on my feelings.”

Lir — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 12:58:47 -0000

Awwww. That's probably a good tactic lol...learning to deal with our feelings is as important as responding to the 'wrong' ones, I'd guess. Adorable story, regardless. <3

Re: A Girl & Her Music: Sexual Ownership & Limp Bizkit

Ashes — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 21:46:46 -0000

Well, given that by now it's come out that he had been in a relationship with someone for the better part of a year when I wrote this -- and does not, in fact, want me anymore -- I'm sort of disinclined to lay off what should have been warning signs in the early stages of our relationship.

(Not that I'm blameless -- at the time I wrote this entry, I had actually fooled around with someone else as well, though not with the scope or thoughtlessness that he had. I'm even the one who called it done. So, you know. As these things go.)

Re: A Girl & Her Music: Sexual Ownership & Limp Bizkit

Jessica Verbich — Wed, 27 Mar 2013 20:10:13 -0000

Lady Ashes, I know I only met you and Sir Andy the one time face to face but I don't think either of you are 'broken' in any way shape or form.
I can relate a tad with Andy though about the 'dark times'. Your phrasing makes it sound like he was selfish(maybe artifact of this article only), but if true, well, hell I wouldn't find it funny to have that mirror shoved up in my face. RBBH does something similar about how I smacked he ex-bf with a 2x4 and basically caused the entire clique to explode soon after. To her it's knight in tinfoil riding to her rescue. To me it's me being a d!ck and showcasing elements of my personality I abhore, and that I failed to resolve the situation like a civilized person is emberassing.
So, maybe lay off a bit? (shrugs) Maybe he's trying to reconcile who is with what he did, and not liking it a whole lot. Maybe I'm fulla crap.
--
On the other stuff? As they say in the Scott Pilgrim graphic novel(6), "I don't think you are either, buddy. But, hey, youll get it. It just takes practice.'
--ry

Re: Pet Peeve: “Unrapeable”

Lir — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 08:20:47 -0000

Well, for the record, I always thought you were very attractive and sexy. :)

But yeah, good points all. I really can't stand the whole 'rape is a compliment' meme. NO, it's not, not ever, not in any way whatsoever. And attractiveness rarely has anything to do with it.

Re: When Together Doesn’t Work

Ashes — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 12:39:51 -0000

I'm so sorry to hear you're having problems, and hope that you come to a place of peace, regardless of which way you go. <3

Its strange, because there were really only a few tense weeks before we decided that we needed to separate -- up to that point, I thought the marriage was fine and I was the problem. (Really, right up to when I proposed separating, I believed that.) it was all the lies and stuff that came out after we separated that made it messy and bad.

Re: When Together Doesn’t Work

luschkavo — Wed, 13 Mar 2013 08:05:33 -0000

This was gut wrenching to read, to a large part because I face this question in myself all the time. I know where we're at can't last, and I dread the day I have to have the conversation. In a sense this post makes me feel almost more determined to TRY to fix things, one last time, for what feels like the millionth time. :/

Re: When Together Doesn’t Work

Ashes — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 16:03:12 -0000

Thanks. I'm glad that we've hit a space where we can talk about it with some sense of rationality, as opposed to when it was still so raw. While I don't think he's really much closer to understanding how our life is changing (I don't think he really will until I've moved out), I also don't feel like he's going to be totally blindsided by it.

Re: When Together Doesn’t Work

Ashes — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 15:59:26 -0000

Thank you. :D

Re: When Together Doesn’t Work

Ashes — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 15:56:55 -0000

I'm sorry to hear about you and your husband -- especially in the midst of depression, that's a lot to deal with. <3

Re: When Together Doesn’t Work

Ashes — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 15:55:19 -0000

Thanks. <3 Its not an easy thing to comment on, even. Its funny, because sometimes the difference between great advice and terrible advice is entirely my mood -- when I'm at a really low angry or sad point, all advice sounds trite.

(That sait, by far the worst outside commentary I got was, "You both messed up so bad, maybe you can just clean slate it and start fresh," lol.)

Re: When Together Doesn’t Work

Ashes — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 15:50:29 -0000

Yeah -- I try to focus on the benefits to us being apart, and how much better each individual space will be for Miles, versus the tense and unhappy space we currently inhabit together. I'd like to think that in the end, it'll help him be better about relationships than we've been.

Re: When Together Doesn’t Work

Ashes — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 15:49:12 -0000

Thank you. :)

Re: When Together Doesn’t Work

Ashes — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 15:48:15 -0000

Thank you. It is at times so totally consuming, that I feel like I'll never have energy for anything else. I think its been most important for me to remember that I can't stop being a mom -- I've got to compartmentalize my feelings about my marriage from my feelings about motherhood, when the two have been so wrapped up in my head up to this point.

Re: When Together Doesn’t Work

hobomama — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 15:16:27 -0000

Oh, Ashley. Huge hugs to you and your little one. It sounds like you're doing everything to ease his transition — it's just such a tough one, and there's no way but through.

Re: When Together Doesn’t Work

Amy Willa — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 13:14:40 -0000

Oh, wow. This is so hard for you and your little boy! I'll keep you all in my prayers as you navigate this difficult time! Thanks for writing!

Re: When Together Doesn’t Work

Laura @authenticparenting — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 12:02:19 -0000

Oh wow, this is hard. My husband and I hit a rough patch when my depression was at its lowest and there was talk of divorce. My daughter is a very sensitive and understanding 4Yo and she figured out things weren't going great. We did tell her then that mom and dad were having a hard time living with each other and that we were trying to work out how to go from there, but that we would involve her if we would come to a decision.

Re: When Together Doesn’t Work

Theadventuresoflactatinggirl — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:02:07 -0000

I am so sorry that you're going through this. I wish I could help in any way, but I don't think even someone who's gone through a separation could give you the perfect advice for you and your son. I just hope that you come to some resolution that works for all of you, whether it be married or divorced. <3